In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
