Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
