Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
