im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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