id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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