ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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