Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
