Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
