yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
