i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
