I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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