Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
