just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
