HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
