I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
