I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
