I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
