Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
