I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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