Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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