I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
