'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
