so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
