I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
