I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
