just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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