Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
