Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
