I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
