She is in my trunk
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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