Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
