I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
