So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
