They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
