She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is wine microwaveable?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize