i was born a porn star she said
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
