i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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