The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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