Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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