Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
