your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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