If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
