just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
