i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need to stop coming to work sober
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
