So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
