I am puke
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
