Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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