My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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