id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
