goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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