how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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