Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
