I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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