I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
