...so i touched it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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