as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
