I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
