Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
