she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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