her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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