she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
