I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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