you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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