She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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