We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
