i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
