There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
