i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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