I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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