she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
