Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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