I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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