What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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